Perhaps, if you didn’t know me well, you’d be surprised to learn that I have had a rhinoplasty. I know, I just don’t seem ‘the type’. That is largely based off the assumption that getting plastic surgery can only stem from self-hatred or insecurity. While those things may sometimes be the catalyst, I had surgery because I knew, unconditionally, that it would set me free.
The best way I can describe it is a spiritual blockage. My face didn’t reflect what I saw in my mind, in turn confusion and unease filled a great space in my consciousness. For many years, my nose was the first thing I saw in any photograph of myself. It felt foreign; it was steely and strict and unforgiving. I aspire to be none of those things.
When I saw someone unfamiliar in the mirror, I couldn’t imagine myself in my dream career, or floating gracefully on my wedding day, or even becoming a mother. I couldn’t move past it, and I sensed I never would - I had to do something. Reader, I will not lie to you now and say that the experience was enjoyable. In January 2018, I flew to Poland for the surgery. Despite extensive research, I wasn’t really prepared for the aftermath. I was nauseous, bloody and bruised. My eyes swelled shut, I struggled to sleep for nights on end, and I was deeply alone.
But even then, it was worth it.
As I was lying in the hospital bed, slightly delirious on pain medication, with no real idea what I would look like once all the gauze had gone, I felt reinvigorated. The deed was done, my big excuse had been dissolved. It was time to dive head first, heart first….nose first, into my new life.
The swelling lasted for almost a year, and it’s now been thirteen months. It is a pleasure to tell you that when I look in the mirror, I see me. No more. No less. Just me. In this new face, I see a hundred different futures. This gift is priceless.
I have said it hundreds of times, and I will say it once more here: I do not ‘recommend’ surgery. For me, it was a very specific solution to a very specific problem. I do, however, recommend trusting your heart. Sometimes you’re not even sure what the outcome will look like, you just inexplicably know that you need to move to the other side of the world, or retrain your vocation, or change the way you look. As far as I am concerned, no more justification is needed. If you are trusting your heart, then I am cheering you on.
Before:
After:
